


trust fall

by monyaka



Series: Maybe Interactive 2020 December Prompts [17]
Category: Double Pen (Visual Novel)
Genre: Cheating, Exes, F/M, Healing, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Loss of Trust, Maybe Interactive 2020 December Prompts, Mental Health Issues, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monyaka/pseuds/monyaka
Summary: cayley can't trust ryan, but she'd never thought she'd wanted to before today.
Relationships: Cayley Brown/Ryan Baker
Series: Maybe Interactive 2020 December Prompts [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035726





	trust fall

**Author's Note:**

> i told myself id never post a work for an updating story but here i am getting way too attached to cayley dp. the latest episode gave me a whole shit ton of feelings about her and ryan, so i had to just... i had to write something that starts addressing her issues! it's important to me! also if you find the reference i hid in here then i will cry with happiness

“ryan… stop, this is embarrassing.”

she’s standing there with her arms crossed, a little frown on her full lips as she looks at her ex-husband. dylan’s not at home right now; he’s flown back to seattle for a few days. cayley tries not to be fickle. she tries to be a loyal girlfriend, a good  _ person _ . but once dylan’s out of sight, he’s out of mind. he doesn’t have female friends, is cold to everyone but her. he’s the polar opposite of ryan, who seems to get along with everyone. it’s infuriating how chill he is all the time, how he’s always so calm and composed. and right now is no exception.

because he’s standing there with his arms outstretched. it’s the same beach they were at a few days ago, and it’s after dark, just like it was back then. when she’d had the thrill of pulling down ryan’s defences, of realizing that he cared. that he was  _ obsessed _ with her. that he still is. 

because there’s no fun in making an obsessed person obsessed with you. it has to be a chill person, someone who’s so high-and-mighty. someone who  _ ignores _ her. and it’s not that ryan really ignores her as much as he prioritizes other things over what she wants. that bitch vanessa. her relationship with dylan. 

“turn around,” he says invitingly, and for a moment, she’s lost in those deep eyes of his. he’s always been so friendly, so handsome… nothing like the tired and stressed art students she always used to see around campus. having him be interested in her back then was like a dream come true. it still is now. every time he looks at her, at  _ only _ her… she can feel her heart beat fast. is that why she turns her back to him, obeys him without even thinking?

his voice is warm behind her. “okay. fall backwards, i’ll catch you.”

cayley digs her heels in the sand, feels it squish under her bare feet. the sand is cold. she’s cold. cold, and afraid. maybe that’s why her voice shakes when she talks, why she suddenly feels like she’s on the verge of tears. “this is stupid, ryan.”

“is it?” he challenges her, in that same warm, husky voice she remembers. every crevice of him is familiar, every rise and fall of his voice. she remembers how he used to breathe so deeply in his sleep, how warm she used to feel snuggled up to him. and she can’t help but flush from head to toe thinking about him. “is it stupid, or is it that you can’t trust me?”

her eyes well with tears. trust him to think she’s stupid for not being able to trust him. maybe if he didn’t spend so much time with girls, if he let her do what she wanted, if he would just lose control and stop sending her such mixed messages… 

but then ryan does something surprising. he corrects himself. “what i mean is… are you scared of falling? or do you think i can’t catch you?”

“i-i — ” cayley’s eyes are wide as she tries to steady her breathing. “it’s… i know you can catch me with those muscley arms. i’m just…” but how is she supposed to say that she feels like she  _ needs _ to be able to trust him? that she should be able to fall backwards without hesitation?

before she can find the words, she feels his body heat just behind her. when he speaks, his warm breath tickles her neck. “how about this distance? can you fall from here?” his heated whisper against the cold night air makes her shiver violently, but it’s not bad. no… it’s not bad at all.

“y-yeah… i think so.” she lets herself slip, but she doesn’t even register the loss of balance before she feels her back against his chest, his forearms looped under her armpits.

“that’s great, cayley.” 

cayley doesn’t really feel great. she feels kind of stupid. and on top of that, she feels like a cat in his arms, so she quickly rights herself, tries to stop the way her heart is beating like some sort of manic drum. and because of that, she can’t help but turn around and glare at him. “are you trying to treat me like a kid?” her voice is suspicious, defensive. “is this some sort of foreplay? do you do this with vanessa?”

again, ryan doesn’t act like himself. normally, he’d sigh, or he’d be defensive, or tell her that she’s acting possessive again. she knows him. she  _ should _ know him. does vanessa know him better than she does? is she going to… 

“…you’re never going to lose me, cayley.” it’s like he read her mind, and she takes an instinctive step back. he follows her. “i’ll never abandon you. isn’t that what scares you?”

“where is this…?”  _ coming from, _ but the words die in her throat before she can say them. because she’s suddenly crying, like a weak little girl. she wants to ask him who told him when she’s never told a soul in her life, when she’s never even realized how terrified she is of losing him. when she left him, she’d expected him to hate her. and it burned and it stung, but she soothed herself with lies that he was a rotten cheater, that it didn’t matter what he did because she hated him. and now she’s here on marco island, and he claims that he’s never stopped loving her, and he’s strong and sweet and just like she remembers him… and it’s scary. it’s  _ terrifying, _ thinking that she can lose him again. thinking that she can lose both of them — him and dylan.

_ dylan. _ does she even feel guilty about dylan anymore? she starts to cry. broken and fearful and distressed, and ryan wraps her in his arms. she likes being crushed into his chest, likes being consumed by his body. that’s what love is, isn’t it? it’s being totally consumed by something — someone’s body, blinding adoration, crippling jealousy. everything about love consumes you from head to toe. it splits you in half and makes you want to scream and sob. but it’s also the best feeling in the world, the safest and most secure feeling. when someone loves you, and only you.

“i’ve been reading a book,” ryan starts, breaking her out of her thoughts. “it’s about — ”

“did vanessa tell you to read it?” it comes out harsh, harsher than she wants. but she can’t snatch her anger out of the air and stuff it back into her mouth. so she continues to glare at her ex-husband, holds onto her anger before she can be convinced to regret it.

ryan freezes, assesses the situation before relenting with slumped shoulders. “yes, actually. to tell you the truth, i like to tell her about you. she’s a good listener and she’s always been supportive of our relationship.”

“you’d… you’d tell her about us?” sure, cayley would be upset if he hadn’t told her, but knowing that this girl knows intimate details about her is horrifying. cayley’s mind races with all manner of paranoias, thinking of what vanessa might think of her, how she could use this against her… and she tries to shove ryan away, but he holds her in place, lifts her chin and forces her to look at him. 

“yes. not because i want to be malicious, but because i can’t contain my feelings. i know this is confusing for you and that you’re still figuring out how you feel. because of that, i’ve been trying not to confuse you. but… whether or not we’re together as a couple, i’d like to rebuild the trust between us. because i miss you. i’ve missed you so much.”

cayley can’t do anything except crush her tear-streaked cheek in his hand. there’s snot dripping from her nose, her face is a red puffy mess… but ryan keeps looking at her adoringly, like she’s a work of art. it scares her, but it heals her. isn’t this what she’s wanted? but she can’t trust it. she can’t trust him.

“s-so that means you  _ love _ me!”

“of course i love you.” 

ryan caresses her cheek, love blazing in his eyes. love, and restraint. he keeps looking down at her lips, like he wants to kiss her. like he wants it to be ten years ago, when they were madly in love. but he doesn’t kiss her, and he doesn’t pull away. instead, he hangs in the balance. he hangs in the place where his feet aren’t planted but there are no arms to catch him. he stays in a permanent uncertainty, in a place that simply confirms his love and his trust, over and over again. he can be afraid, but he’s gone too far to doubt her.

he speaks again. soft. raw. vulnerable. “i love you, cayley. and i know that… you want me, even if it’s just on a physical level. but i wouldn’t be able to stand it if i got in the way of yours and dylan’s happiness. that time… that time we had, right on this very beach… i…”

“regret it?” she throws knives at him. once, twice. picking apart his words to confirm her own beliefs. that he doesn’t love her. that he’s stringing her along. that he’ll abandon her.

“i regret making things so complicated between you and dylan. you’re not… i’ve never considered you the bad guy.”  _ the bad guy. _ she kept saying that when they fought. had he paid so much attention to the words she said, even when she was being so nasty to him? but as surprised as cayley is, it doesn’t stop ryan from continuing, his words shaky and anxious in a way she doesn’t recognize. “there is no bad guy. i don’t want to fight against you, i just want to fight with you. against the things you’re scared of, and the broken trust you have in me. because i don’t want to see you in pain.”

cayley can’t help it. she’s sobbing again, burying her face in his chest. maybe she doesn’t trust ryan. maybe she’s never going to be able to squeeze her eyes shut and fall backwards into his arms. but maybe, just maybe, one day, she’ll be able to believe him when he says he loves her.


End file.
